i had a dream that i was newly passed and had entered either heaven or a pre-heaven selection stage. the entity representing god was a martha stewart type individual, ie, some maven with sculpted hair who loved to bake and do interior decoration. she had baked these cookies a certain way that told you whether you could get into heaven or not. when she handed me mine, it appeared i did not have the requisite seal or stamp emblazoned upon my cookie, but i had to ask her to be sure. all the while, i was crying out to jesus and asking god to forgive me of all of my sins. i had her look at my cookie, and she turned up her nose and scowled, and spat at me in disgust. "how dare you even think you could pass this off as a heavenly cookie, and how dare you even think you have the audacity to enter my gates!" i kept insisting that i prayed to jesus constantly and asked forgiveness of my sins, and attempted to perform selfless acts that benefited others but not myself. she would hear none of it, and sent me to hell.

hell turned out to be a hip hop mogul's recording studio, where i was to be the latest rap sensation's grunt. the rap star immediately demanded that i and his other two assistants, black females, do some random thing like state the capital of mississippi. he was disgusted more with the ladies, who were kind of pudgy, but i thought they were cute and attractive enough. he had his right-hand man put them in handcuffs, and made all three of us get in the back of his mercedes. i struck up a conversation with one of the smiling ladies, then asked the rap star for the key to the handcuffs, which he said he'd lost. i jumped out of the car when it came to a light, and found myself back in the building where the dream began. the martha stewart type lady saw me, and was incensed with anger. she was god, and i wondered how i could run from god, an all-knowing, all powerful being. i found a door to a labyrinth of intricate stairwells and corridors, a type of setting i often encounter in dreams. i began randomly choosing doors and exits/entries, with simply the hope of throwing off those who were chasing me.

as i started to get bogged down in ever-increasing labyrinthine chaos, i realized neither one of the archetypes i'd encountered were god or the devil, and in fact, the martha stewart one was actually probably the devil in disguise because she reacted so violently at my mention of jesus.